Surround Yourself With Who and What You Want To Be

The hard truth is we are who and what we surround ourselves by. People influence us almost in a subconscious way…If you surround yourself with negative low-achievers you will to slow down. When you surround yourself with positive, like-minded, progressive people you feed from and grow from their actions, energy, and attitude. You know when you were a kid and your parents and people who cared about you told you to be careful who you hang around…you can’t deny it…it’s true. Focus on what you want to become, where you want to go, and get there with those around you with the same ideals. 

It’s important to have written down goals.  Bigger than life goals and little goals that you can accomplish anytime, any day. I have a list of goals and they probably sound simple or silly to others but it gives me something to strive for and a sense of accomplishment when one is achieved…even if it’s doing something like learning to paddle board.  Keep yourself moving forward and looking forward to things…don’t take the wonderful things in your life for granted because they can and will disappear if you don’t nurture and appreciate them.  When you have a number of written down goals that you check off when they are accomplished it keeps you motivated to get things done, and make things happen. Trust me…and don’t overwhelm yourself…it could be something like making it a habit to not be so rushed in the morning because it starts your day off stressed…so get up 10 minutes earlier…make some coffee…stretch and look outside.  Your written goals provide a clear focus, even when people or circumstances can impair that.  Everything is your choice and you have to look out for you before anything!  In the beginning you may feel guilty for one reason or another but who is going to be there no matter what…you!  You can’t get away from yourself.  Accomplishing things one at a time you’ll find that you start to handle circumstances better than before.  Keep moving forward. Surrounding yourself with positive people, POSITIVE ACTIONS and support will keep you motivated to get things done. Doing things that you are good at, in a habitual way will keep up your confidence…MOMENTUM!

There are definitely times that you feel discouraged.  Congratulations…that’s life!  I look at people I know or people that I have grown out of…well, I’ll get to that later.  You should do whatever it takes to grow.  I remember starting with this thought feeling HUGE but I started writing more…getting things on paper when I don’t have someone to talk to at the moment I am feeling a certain way makes me really listen to myself.

You should surround yourself with people who are interested in growing mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually. The more people you have around you that put genuine interest in growing, the easier it will be for you to change…change doesn’t happen overnight BUT change it continual and permanent…not temporary.  So ask yourself…what do you really care about?

At this point, maybe you have tried to help the “losers” out (touchy choice of words I know), but guess what...they are “happy” being “losers”.  Now it’s time to get rid of them.  If you don’t know this about me already I am obsessed with lists…it helps to have things on paper so I can prioritize and quiet my mind more efficiently.  So…get out a piece of paper and write on one side “Up-lifters” and the other side “Losers”.  Take everyone from the “Losers” side and if they call you to hang out or whatever, no need to be rude, just say you are busy working or something.  There are more drastic things you can do but…it’s one choice at a time.  A year from not you will wish you had started today.  Time and opportunities pass so quickly and before you know it ­­­­_________ (fill in the blank).

Surround yourself with people who make you happy, share your same ideals, and whom you can really TRUST.  If someone’s negativity is affecting your ability to give to others fully (the ones that mean the most in your life), why are you letting that hold you back (list: scared, judged, change)?  The bottom line is you will be better for everyone in your life if the negativity is silenced.  When you surround yourself with people who truly believe in you and - very important – and who challenge you…it’s magical.  They don’t have to be big “challenges” but for example…for me…I’m NOT good at talking but I was taught/shown how it effects the people closest to me and now although super uncomfortable, I challenge myself to say something.  Simple sounding but a definite hurdle in my life that I was a) challenged to change 2) supported to this day by that person who made me realize that my silence, although innocent was actually hurting people I loved.  So, I vowed to never say nothing.  True friends tell you the hard things no one else will and support you.  Just ask yourself this question:  If ______’s negativity wasn’t in my life, how would I feel?  If the answer is something like “free, positive, happy” or anything of the sort then I think you know the answer. 

Your friends ARE your choice and if they don’t contribute to your future…just saying to choose wisely…We all have people who put us down or don’t believe in our ideas. They diminish your potential without you really noticing. Who says you have to be around them?  You don’t, so stop acting like you do…but these people have already defined you, categorized you, filtered you, and labeled you. They have made you “safe” to their worldview. They do not want you to change, because it challenges them in ways you don’t intend. When your identity changes, it forces others to reassess how you fit in their world. It forces them to reassess their own identity. This does not sit well with many people, because people naturally don’t like change (I like to call it evolution).  Are they REALLY true friends?  If certain circumstances didn’t exist like going out and drinking would they really still be there?  Do they have your back?  Do you trust them?  Would they do anything for you and you for them?  Then maybe they aren’t a TRUE FRIEND.  It’s hard to admit but it’s true.

Surround yourself with those whose attitude enables action, not inaction. Who is building what does not yet exist, what is not yet proven, what is not maybe not (yet) cool, what is not safe. Spread your wings! Surround yourself with others that see the future, and not just the past.  Not those who take, who demand, who push against you in a negative way, and who suck more of your energy than they give.  I haven’t even mentioned that taking your own advice can sometimes be the hardest thing…

Who you surround yourself with effects who you can become.  Realize it and change.  You have the power to START OVER.  I know I have a few times…we won’t mention the “quarter life crisis.”  As much as it may suck it may just be necessary to live the life that you want.  Don’t let someone else hold you back.

During high school, we gravitated towards certain friends due to our aspirations and interests of our youth. BFF qualifiers included a shared love for basketball or underage drinking. But then…guess what…we have to grow up...have you?

Fast forward a decade.  You have changed your home, your values, your career, your life or maybe you haven’t and what does that say? While every aspect of your life was reassessed and updated, your friendships weren’t. Your friends consist of those whom you’ve shared a history with.  But are grade/high school memories and Kodak moments enough? NO…just like you grow out of clothes and shoes…you grow out of friends/people.  I have had many wonderful girlfriends and maybe we don’t talk anymore…why?  Because whatever part they had in my life was done and life had different things in store.  Do I think about them and miss them and wonder what they are doing?  ABSOLUTLY!...but we grew out of each other…it may sound complicated but it’s really not and you have to look forward and not back…you can’t force something that wasn’t meant to be.  Let life carry you…follow your gut!  I always heard that and yea I really do think that I know what that means.

“… at this point I would so much rather have, like, a few good friends than a lot of fake friends.” 

There is a beauty of having old friends that I won’t deny, but history alone is not enough to bring an old friendship into the present , and subsequently, the future.  The people you surround yourself with, you become.  Regardless of your strength as an individual, you are not immune to a surrounding of negative energy or bad influence.  You may not even realize it but take a moment and think hard…realizing how uncomfortable the truth is?  Follow your gut…you have always heard it and maybe though it was bogus but in your heart of hearts and your mind you know the truth.  The thing is…are you going to make the effort to get there?
Your friendships, just like everything in your life, need updating. They need to be reassessed from time to time to determine if they are still working in your life. Your friends should bring out the best in you.  If you are surrounded by people who bring out the “worst” in you (bad habits or whatever it may be), then that is a serious red flag that the friendship doesn’t fit in your life.  True friends are the ones that have the courage to tell you when you’re losing your way.  They care enough to have those difficult conversations that most people will avoid.

If you want to have greatness in your life, surround yourself with great people. If you strive to be a happy, fulfilled, honest, confident, empowered and principled person, surround yourself with people who are the same. Is this selfish and heartless? No, because if you are influenced negatively by someone, it will affect how you are with the people who love you. Once you allow a negative force to dig in, you hurt yourself, which ultimately affects everyone that surrounds you.  In no way am I saying to ditch the people you love. You can love these people all you want.  But, selecting them to be in your immediate group is another story.  Ya it usually SUCKS to admit but again follow your gut, deal with the comments that may come and know that you are better than that…I mean what the hell are they trying to prove anyway?
Think of the five or ten people you spend most time with. What are these people doing? How passionate are they? Do they inspire you?  If the answer is no, then it’s time to move on.
The biggest single predictor of success (however you want to define it) is the people who surround you.  I have a saying “I am who I am…take it or leave it” and I’ll do the same with you…sounds harsh but I live for me.

You are a product of your environment and the people you surround yourself with.  Our level of success is directly affected by the people we interact with.  How is this affecting you?  Why are they in your life?  Again, I will get to that later.  Yes, there are some people we can’t wish away in our lives like family but we have a choice as to how much the volume is turned up on their influence.  Surround yourself with people who inspire you and work hard to inspire them…because it really is fulfilling.  That I believe is an ingredient in a true friendship anyway.  Who are the people you spend your days with and how do they make you feel?  Make another list…

Your environment also plays a huge role in your productivity, clarity and happiness in life and in work.  Your environment is one of the most powerful influences on your energy, your mood, and your creativity.  Are you living/working in an environment that inspires you, or are you just getting by and comfortable?  Are you surrounded by inspiration or clutter?  Challenge that…Surround yourself with beauty…this is really easiest answer AND it clearly contributes to your happiness.  Create an environment that is appealing, supportive, nurturing, pleasant and delightful to you. I take pride in my home.  It’s cozy, clean and full of things I love…it’s my comfort and my sanctuary and I have worked hard to make it that way.  It is the environment I have created to make me feel like me…pure and true me.  I recently started living with my boyfriend…My home has always been mine and as an only child I’m not really good with sharing but in yoga one day over a year ago my teacher said “Find comfort in the discomfort” which really resonated with me.  So I have found comfort in sharing so to say (without going on a rant about that)…another blog post maybe J  Anyway, work to create an environment that keeps you focused on the bigger picture.  The horse before carriage is sometimes your only option...and what you do now will pay off later.  Doing these things will make defining goals a lot easier in the end.  

Guess what…raise the bar.

How well do you really know yourself? "Who am I?" and "What's most important to me?" What is most important to you in life? What gives you the most HAPPINESS?  What are your dreams and desires? What do you despise? What are your fears?  I have worked on defining these things for myself over the last couple of years.  I hit a real road block and knew that only I could change myself…so I took on the challenge!  Do I slip sometimes?  Yes, I’m only human, but I recognize it and move on…maybe changing things again.  The same solution doesn’t work forever unfortunately…life is a living breathing creature.  It's one thing to know yourself; it's another to DESIGN your life around what's important.  What do you LOVE that's already in your life? If there are aspects of your life that are already fulfilling - Congrats!  When you are not in alignment with your values your life doesn’t flow as easily and you struggle, which is definitely not a good feeling. You know the feeling…the “this isn’t right” feeling that we all so easily ignore.  Take a value (or a few values) and write down at 1-3 ways you can honor each one every week, or every day! Make room for new activities by eliminating less fulfilling ones… things that drain the crap out of you…they do end up taking over and you forget to focus on the good things and people that really matter . Yes, this may include spending LESS time with certain people but in the end you WILL be happier.

In following your gut,,.the hardest part is admitting the truth to yourself…think about it…Some people don't feel worthy of love and goodness, and consistently sabotage themselves for many many many reasons…I have been there, and yes, fall back into it all the time but that is when I know it’s time to re-evaluate again!

Noticing life's simple pleasures "the little things" and "the big", being grateful, living your values, and focusing on what's already great, and growing from there.  If you find yourself thinking or feeling negatively try your hardest to take the bad situation and think about what could be worse…So, is what you’re doing/thinking an energy suck or is there a bright side you can spin it into?  Can you get up and leave and do the right thing next?  The answer is more than likely yes…

This is where "trust" comes in.  Life Is a process - with ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys.  And, for every bump in the road, there IS a gift. The gift may be a "learning", something to challenge or strengthen you, a new opportunity, or a chance meeting?  Don’t let the gifts pass you by…they are so easy to lose…

Our influences have a tremendous impact on who we are and all of the things that surround us eventually become a large part of us.  It's a bit scary when you think about it.  Our ability to achieve the goals we have in life are greatly impacted by what and who surrounds us.  It's difficult to be positive when you are surrounded with crap.  You can float above things and look at the big picture or choose to make it quicksand you have to wade through…if you choose to wade it’s just going to take hell of a A LOT longer.  It's impossible to become the person you want to be, when the majority of your daily influences don’t inspire you in some way.  Knowing who you want to be is maybe the hardest part...to admit…If you don't know what you want…good luck!  Surround yourself with all the stuff in life that supports the type of person you want to be…assuming you are willing to live it.  Eliminate the stuff that doesn’t and can’t help you.  We all tend to downplay this but it's amazing how so many things that seem like INNOCENT HABITS AND ENTERTAINMENT actually wind up keeping us from doing the things in life we truly desire and need.  Shed the dead weight and live life for you…

Find the things in life that motivate you…FOCUS and start making them part of your daily routine.  Overall, life is so much easier (and more enjoyable) when you are surrounded by the people who don’t weigh you down, who inspire you to be the best person you can, and support you.  Support is huge to me…not only do I want to be proud…next I want those people that I love to be proud of the goals and things I have accomplished.  So, while your lifelong friends may be awesome, if they aren’t helping you towards being the absolute best person you can be, it may be time to re-think your surroundings.  Looking back the best first step I ever made was moving away from the town I grew up in.  Those people haven’t moved on but that is their choice.  I chose to start college just a few weeks out of high school.  The most positive thing I take pride in is that I had made an environment I was happy in, dropped everything that was holding me back, was paying off my student loans and landed a management position quickly…in the next couple years bough my first brand new car…and all before I was 23.
“… at this point I would so much rather have, like, a few good friends than a lot of fake friends.”   We won’t say where I got this from but it’s a life motto of mine.

Don’t dwell on the PAST or you WILL miss you PRESENT and the future…good things don’t wait for you to be ready for you to accept them and they will pass you by…hold on to what is important and let go of what is not part of the future.

Choose your company wisely that is all I am saying. EXCUSES?…you know when you are making them…strive and be…It’s just that simple and it’s just that difficult.  You decide where your focus is going to be.  FRANKLY IT’S TIME TO GROW UP!

Some favorite quotes I found are below…they each resonate to me in a different way…some the same but what’s most inspiring is that they motivate me in some way or another.  Get out of the “victim” mindset if you will…

WE ARE THE FUTURE WE SEEK.  This sounds like preaching but it really is true.  If you need some examples…trust me…I have plenty!  No excuses…PERIOD!

Only you can change can change your life. Only you can decide your future. Let nobody decide your future for you. Your future is yours.   Sometimes our problem is the doubt that we do entertain into our minds. Let no dream killers exonerate you from achieving your dreams. Act on your dreams now and stop procrastinating!!!  Have you ever wished that some aspect of your life would just change, overnight?  All too often, we rule out possibilities. We adopt a fixed rather than a growth mindset, convincing ourselves that hey, this is just the way I am, and you can’t change…but I don’t believe that shit…it’s an EXCUSE.  I believe that whatever your circumstances, whatever your bad habits and struggles, you can work towards the life that you really want.  Yes, it is easy to come up with excuses…do I? Yes!  But not anymore…my past doesn’t depict my future and although things effect me to this day and I try and not let anything but the lessons I’ve learned and the experiences I’ve gone through.

It’s your life: you can choose to change. It might not be easy…It will not be easy – but it will be worth it.  If it helps (and I find that it does) make a “what I’m afraid of” list.  Your excuses will start to sound silly…you’ll see…trust me…

Wow…I’m out of breath!

 “The consequences of today are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today.” - Anonymous

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

 “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

“Don’t let the past steal your present” – Cherralea Morgen

“One has to live in the present. Whatever is past is gone beyond recall; whatever is future remains beyond one’s reach, until it becomes present. Remembering the past and giving thought to the future are important, but only to the extent that they help one deal with the present.” – S.N. Goenka

“It doesn’t matter where you are, you are nowhere compared to where you can go.” - Bob Proctor

“We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.” – Robin Sharma

 “Be present – it is the only moment that matters.” - Peaceful Warrior

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.” – B. Olatunji

“Nobody gets to live life backward. Look ahead, that is where your future lies.” - Ann Landers

“Holding on to anything is like holding on to your breath. You will suffocate. The only way to get anything in the physical universe is by letting go of it. Let go & it will be yours forever”. – Deepak Chopra

 “There’s no next time. It’s now or never.” - Anonymous

 “Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.” – Doug Ivester

 “To create more positive results in your life, replace ‘if only’ with ‘next time’.” - Anonymous

““It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

 “Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.” – Belva Davis

 “Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.” – Doug Ivester

“Don’t be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” - Anonymous

“Everything you want should be yours: the type of work you want; the relationships you need; the social, mental, and aesthetic stimulation that will make you happy and fulfilled; the money you require for the lifestyle that is appropriate to you; and any requirement that you may (or may not) have for achievement or service to others. If you don’t aim for it all, you’ll never get it all. To aim for it requires that you know what you want” - Richard Koch

“I am not my memories. I am my dreams.” - Terry Hostetler

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – Les Brown

 “The most important thing about goals is having one.” – Geoffry F. Abert

 “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn

 “The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach.” - Benjamin Mays

“People with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them could ever imagine.” - Anonymous

”I don’t believe in luck. Luck = Leaving things to chance and outside world. I believe in being harbingers of our fate, taking action and creating our own path and destiny in life. Your life is yours to create – Don’t let others do it for you.” - Anonymous

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” – Barack Obama

 “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” – Jim Rohn

 “The greatest advantage of speaking the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said.” - Anonymous